With a name like Warrior Wives, it's pretty obvious who my audience is on this blog: wives. That being said, I know that there are also a bunch of husbands and single men who are regular readers. Wives, feel free to keep reading, but today I just have a brief message for the men.
First of all, let me say that I'm really happy you're here. From Facebook comments, emails and face-to-face conversations, I know that many of you read Warrior Wives because you want to hear a woman's perspective on marriage. It helps you to understand how women are perceiving issues. I hope that you also know that my goal here is not to undermine your role as husbands, but spur wives on to be better in their roles. I'm also happy to hear your perspective when you guys choose to leave comments; I know that my own husband and I have had conversations about the majority of the topics I post on so I have a general idea of the male perspective, but my husband is not all men so it's good to hear a variety of voices.
But lately, I've had a niggling feeling of discomfort and I haven't been able to quite put my finger on what specifically was bothering me. My husband and I had a long conversation about it, and since I finally figured it out, I'd like to lay out my expectations for the interactions that come from the men.
I love when you comment. Don't stop. But here's the thing: 99% of comments from husbands come when I write about two subjects - submission and sex. Both of those topics are areas in which men and women can see very differently so it makes sense that most comments come here. But please comment on other topics too! If I write about praising your husband, I'd love to hear examples of how your wife has done this well and how it makes you feel. If I write about praying for your husband, tell me what impact that has on you. When you only comment on sex and submission, it can give the impression that that's all you care about: let me be in charge and give me all the sex I want is how some hurting women interpret it, and while I know being respected and feeling sexually fulfilled are crucial to a marriage, I also know that you are concerned about other areas of your marriages. Please continue to give a male perspective on those other areas. And if there's a specific topic or question that you and your wife have, I'm more than happy to try to answer it or use it (anonymously) as a discussion question.
And that brings me to my main reason for discomfort...the sex thing. I'm a wife blogger. I do write about sex but I do it pretty infrequently because I think it can quickly become THE topic. I'm not interested in being a Christian sex blogger, especially when there are others who handle this topic much better than myself. When I do write about sex, I am writing 100% to wives and frankly, it makes me extremely uncomfortable to hear details of another man's sex life. My husband and I discussed this, and we'd like to ask you to please only share with me what you would feel comfortable sharing with me in the church foyer with my husband present. Pretend you never met me (and the vast majority of you have not). Would you really share this with a strange woman face to face? If not, please don't share it. Instead, would you please seek out another brother in Christ with whom you can openly share your struggles? I think that the anonymity of the Internet has made all of us feel just a tad too comfortable sharing things that we would otherwise only share in person to a close friend, but I think we all need to still be careful to be discreet and not make others feel uncomfortable.
This doesn't apply to just sex and this also doesn't apply to just men. I hope that comments you all leave on this blog or emails you send me are not the only help you are seeking. I firmly believe that God wants all believers to be in authentic community with other believers who are called to exhort, rebuke, teach, encourage, admonish and love one another. Those famous verses in Titus 2 instruct older men to be teaching the younger men and older women to be teaching the younger women. I know that sometimes it's hard to share your struggles with others. I know that it takes guts to be that vulnerable, but I will promise you that if you are teachable and brave, there is so much wisdom to be gleaned from our fellow believers. My husband and I have both experienced real growth that came from accountability towards more mature believers in our church. If you are struggling, yes, blogs can be a decent source of help, but not remotely at the same level as real flesh and blood people.
Make sense? I hope all you men stick around, but it's just been bothering me and my husband encouraged me to share it with you. Thanks for understanding!
And if you haven't found these husband blogs yet, you might want to check them out:
The Generous Husband