But for the last several months, my son in his car seat has been comprehending a little too much and asking some awkward questions. When Carrie Underwood is singing about taking out her rage at her unfaithful husband on the unsuspecting tires of his car, and my son innocently queries from the back, “What’s this song about?”, it can be a little difficult to explain. So I haven’t listened to much country music lately. Steve Green’s “Hide ’Em in Your Heart” has won out for this young mommy.
At the same time, I’ve been thinking more about a Biblical perspective toward marriage, and on the rare occasions that I’m alone in the car and do turn on country music, something strange happens. I simply don’t like a lot of the songs anymore.
Now, I’m not trying to be legalistic here. There’s a lot to love about country music. I want to live “where the green grass grows” and I live for “little moments like that,” and “Fly Over States” always gets me wanting to take a car trip back to Colorado where I grew up. But a lot of the country love songs in particular just aren’t doing it for me anymore. Here’s a common theme:
This world keeps spinning fasterTo a new disaster
So I run to you …
– Lady Antebellum, “I Run to You”
What happens when your world feels like a disaster and you run to your husband? He listens in an understanding way and says just the right thing, because he’s always remarkably sensitive. Then, as you lose yourself in his tender embrace, all the troubles of your world melt away …
Okay, so maybe that sometimes happens. But sometimes it looks like something else entirely. Here’s a paraphrase:
This world keeps spinning fasterTo a new disaster
So I run to you …
Wait, who am I running to when my world feels like a disaster? To my husband? With the expectation that his loving response will magically make everything right? Where does it say that in the Bible?
Our culture right now, in refusing to find fulfillment in the Lord, often resorts to idolizing sex and romance. Unless we are careful, we start listening to its lies and shaping our expectations of our husbands accordingly. Take thoughts like these:
So I’ve been doing some thinking about, who is God in my life? Where do I run for ultimate satisfaction, joy, understanding, and comfort? Who do I expect to always understand me? Who can continually provide the strength and help I need? Only the Lord!
Where do our husbands fit into this? They are God’s good gift to us. They are, by analogy (but by analogy only!) Christ to us (Eph. 5:22-33)—which is a big responsibility, for both them and us. But they’re not necessarily our “happily ever after.” Instead, they bring into our lives a new way to fulfill our calling—to die to ourselves, take up our cross daily, and follow Christ. Loving my husband is how I serve the Lord. Submitting to him is how I obey God. Prioritizing him, respecting him, loving him—sometimes these things come easily and are really fun. Sometimes they come hard and I need to work at them.
On days when I’m thinking about being a “warrior wife”—when my husband and I are fighting down our sin nature to do the right thing—when we’re both making hard sacrifices and loving each other through the challenges of the daily grind—on those days, to be honest, a lot of secular love songs seem pretty shallow. They don’t even come close to the deeper, stronger love God gives His people.
So sometimes lately, despite my country-girl heart, I’ve been changing the station to worship music. Or, believe it or not, even listening to my son’s Bible music CD when he’s not in the back. Because what we’re listening to shapes our expectations. What we’re expecting shapes our responses to our husbands. A good marriage doesn’t come easily, and I want mine to be grounded in truth.
What happens when your world feels like a disaster and you run to your husband? He listens in an understanding way and says just the right thing, because he’s always remarkably sensitive. Then, as you lose yourself in his tender embrace, all the troubles of your world melt away …
Okay, so maybe that sometimes happens. But sometimes it looks like something else entirely. Here’s a paraphrase:
Me: “My life is a disaster!”
Him: “I’m so sorry. Let me fix it for you.”
Me: “Why are you being so condescending? What makes you think you can fix it? I just want you to listen!”
Him: “Why are you telling me your problems if you don’t want help?”
Me: “I didn’t say I didn’t want help! If you really want to help, maybe you can show some understanding, and some sympathy! You know, the last thing I need when my life is a disaster, is to have a conflict with you on top of it! You’d think when I’m having a bad day that you could at least be ….”Yep, that conversation didn’t live up to my country-music-informed expectations. For the record, my husband is a sensitive and understanding man. The root problem when we have conversations like this is usually not him. It starts with my listening to this:
This world keeps spinning fasterTo a new disaster
So I run to you …
Wait, who am I running to when my world feels like a disaster? To my husband? With the expectation that his loving response will magically make everything right? Where does it say that in the Bible?
Our culture right now, in refusing to find fulfillment in the Lord, often resorts to idolizing sex and romance. Unless we are careful, we start listening to its lies and shaping our expectations of our husbands accordingly. Take thoughts like these:
My life was aimless and empty until I met you. Now you are the center of my universe, my reason for existence, the love of my life. Every day I wake up feeling secure and cherished, knowing that I am always understood and never alone. Whenever anything goes wrong, I run to you for help and am never disappointed…These are beautiful thoughts. In our deepest heart, this is what every woman wants. The problem occurs when we look to our husbands to become this. Read that paragraph again and apply it to the Lord. Only then does it become true!
So I’ve been doing some thinking about, who is God in my life? Where do I run for ultimate satisfaction, joy, understanding, and comfort? Who do I expect to always understand me? Who can continually provide the strength and help I need? Only the Lord!
Where do our husbands fit into this? They are God’s good gift to us. They are, by analogy (but by analogy only!) Christ to us (Eph. 5:22-33)—which is a big responsibility, for both them and us. But they’re not necessarily our “happily ever after.” Instead, they bring into our lives a new way to fulfill our calling—to die to ourselves, take up our cross daily, and follow Christ. Loving my husband is how I serve the Lord. Submitting to him is how I obey God. Prioritizing him, respecting him, loving him—sometimes these things come easily and are really fun. Sometimes they come hard and I need to work at them.
On days when I’m thinking about being a “warrior wife”—when my husband and I are fighting down our sin nature to do the right thing—when we’re both making hard sacrifices and loving each other through the challenges of the daily grind—on those days, to be honest, a lot of secular love songs seem pretty shallow. They don’t even come close to the deeper, stronger love God gives His people.
So sometimes lately, despite my country-girl heart, I’ve been changing the station to worship music. Or, believe it or not, even listening to my son’s Bible music CD when he’s not in the back. Because what we’re listening to shapes our expectations. What we’re expecting shapes our responses to our husbands. A good marriage doesn’t come easily, and I want mine to be grounded in truth.
Lisa Joy is a disciple of Christ, living in the Shenandoah Valley with her husband, son, and daughter, teaching part-time, homemaking, and blogging a little around the edges. (Find her at Eclectic where she writes about her thoughts on life, parenting, marriage and everything in between.)
Wonderful perspective on this and I totally agree.I personally think that we also need to inform our growing children of this and set a good example.We work as a team under God's grace in our marriage.It's not always easy and we need to run to the Lord when things can't be easily resolved.Our children are going to need this anchor when they have relationships in this "throw away" world we're all living in.It's really sad the people think they fix their issues by just moving on to the next new and wonderful thing.
ReplyDeleteGood reminder on perspective!
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that I still listen to country music sometimes. I tend to like the messages in some of the older stuff better, though.
I like the 1990's country. But I have been tuning into Christian rock more and more lately. Especially with my eight year old around. I don't have to worry about what she is listening to when it is on. She loves Newsboys and Tobymac and I know what they are saying and it is positive.
ReplyDelete