An interesting article popped up in my Facebook newsfeed this week. Another blogger sharing this article from The Daily Beast: "Why I Choose to Be Childless: Readers Share Their Stories". While I completely understand that there are many couples who struggle with infertility and are unable to have children, I have always been curious about why married couples deliberately choose not to have children. Many of the individuals and couples who shared their stories cited reasons such as disliking children, wanting to fully pursue a career, desiring independence, feeling uninspired to have them because so many parents complain about kids, and simple unabashed selfishness. But the reason that I found really interesting was that many of the couples worried that having kids would ruin their perfectly good marriage and they had no desire to risk their relationship. Here are a few snippets from the article:
While I deeply love my husband of 47 years, I soon realized that our approaches to family life would not be the same. Our relationship is like many of my generation. Although I eventually earned my doctorate and had a highly successful career which he respected and supported, at home his decisions still dominated. I felt that if we had children, we would most likely end up divorced or I would live my life frustrated by his choices for them.
We discussed questions like these:...What would it do to our relationship? We’re happy together – why should we change that dynamic?
Here are some of the reasons why I'm part of the "childless revolution"...Bad marriages: Sadly I see too many of them. It doesn't help that married friends tell you not to get married. Less than half seem truly happy.
My life is fulfilling now. I will always work on making the world a better place, and I can help accomplish that without raising another human being. What makes some people happy doesn't work for others. I have better communication with my husband than you do.
If my husband stresses me out now because of the things he does or doesn't do or the ways he does or doesn't contribute around the house, how much worse will I be with children around! I imagine we would resent each other very quickly and have to give up many of the fun things that we do and that make us "us." My husband in my number-one priority and I his; why would we want to change this so we can be slaves to a child?So here's my question for us today: Does having kids change or destroy a good marital relationship? How has having children changed your marriage? If you don't have children, do these quotes reflect your own fears and reservations?
Ready. Set. Go. Discuss. (And feel free to share this post on Twitter or Facebook to keep the discussion going!)
Sharing with: The Alabaster Jar, The Better Mom, Graceful, The Wellspring, NOBH, Monday's Musings, Covered in Grace, Rachel Wojo, Matrimonial Mondays, Time Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, Growing Home,