Day 12 - CMBA Blog Challenge
I've mentioned some of these books in reviews and throughout my posts, but as I finish out (almost there!!) this blog half-marathon, I thought I would share with you the marriage resources that have made the most impact on Dave and I thus far in our marriage.
Books
The Bible - Obvious, right? Not so much. I've heard it said that the majority of couples who come in for counseling are not having a regular devotional time or prayer time with God. Look, if you aren't in the word of God, the rest of these resources will just be band-aids. Go there first.
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Intimate Issues - Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus. The authors talk about a godly view towards sex and then dive into answering what they call "Simmering Questions", "Smoldering Questions", and "Sizzling Hot Questions". Examples are, "How do I make love with children wrapped around my knees?", "How can I get over the guilt of past sexual sin?" and "Are quickies okay with God? (and other what-is-normal questions)"
Love and Respect - Dr Emerson Eggerich. Dave and I have been through this DVD series twice and it was helpful both times. It focuses on a man's great need for respect, a woman's great need for love, and how to work towards meeting those needs. There are a bunch of overgeneralizations and stereotypes in here, and the book isn't designed to cover every issue in marriage, but it could be life changing for you and your husband, provided you read/watch it only with the intention of changing you.
What Did You Expect? - Paul David Tripp. I love anything by Paul Tripp and his marriage book is no exception. It's just...awesome.
War of Words - Paul David Tripp. Have I mentioned that I love Paul Tripp? This isn't a marriage book, it's a communication book. But it isn't your typical "5 steps to better communication" type of book; it's a book that gets to the heart issues of communication, and communication is a HUGE problem in many marriages. I've referred back to this book many times and I have so much underlined that it probably would have been easier to just underline the sentences I didn't love.
Sacred Marriage - Gary Thomas. Subtitle: "What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?" This is not a "how-to" marriage book filled with tips and tricks to save your marriage. This is the kind of marriage book that just helps you get your head on straight and align your mindset with God's idea for marriage rather than the world's idea for marriage.
Sacred Influence - Gary Thomas. Subtitle: "How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands." I love this book. Gary Thomas gives advice to the wives from a man's point of view and he's pretty darn direct. I think much of it needed to be said. Some of the best chapters are about living with an angry husband and influencing a passive, uninvolved husband.
The Peacemaker - Ken Sande. Again, not a marriage book. But since conflict resolution is kind of a huge issue in every marriage, I think we all should read it. The most biblical perspective on conflict resolution and forgiveness that I've ever seen. It's so good that a few years ago our church required all small groups to go through the small group D
DVD study. (I will say though that, in my opinion, the book is better than the DVDs.) I will also mention that they have versions of this book for families and for working with teenagers.
The Excellent Wife - Martha Peace. If you want to know exactly what the Bible says about a wife's role and a wife's attitude and spirit, get this one. It's a little dry and some of the examples are kind of silly (I'm sorry, but if I went up to my husband and asked him, "Honey, what could I do to be a blessing to you today", I think he would laugh in my face.) but go with the overall principles and it's great.
How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong - Leslie Vernick. I think this one goes well in conjunction with Sacred Marriage. Not only does she talk about seeing your marriage through God's eyes much like Gary Thomas does (and she quotes him often), but she helps you see practical ways to respond to your husband even when you are being wronged.
Let Me Be a Woman - Elisabeth Elliot. I just had to throw in one book by Elisabeth Elliot because I just love her so, so much. Keep a Quiet Heart is also a good one if you are in a difficult marriage in which you are struggling to persevere.
Audio-Visual
"When Marriage and Mercy Collide" - I'll throw in a little plug for the church where my brother in law is director of music - Grace Fellowship Church in Florence, KY. Brad Bigney, the senior pastor, has done a few great marriage series and this is the latest one. (P.S. His new book Gospel Treason on the subject of idolatry is available on Amazon. And no, no one asked me to promote it; he's just an awesome preacher. My husband thinks his sermons are THE BEST to listen to while running.)
"Christ-Centered Relationships" - Francis and Lisa Chan. Here's part one (of three).
Conferences
What about you? What are your favorite resources that are helpful for marriage? Leave them in the comments (here or on the Facebook page) so we can all get more ideas.
Sharing with: Beholding Glory, Your Thriving Family, Consider the Lilies, Christian Mommy Blogger, Finding Beauty, NOBH
Great resources, but I'm kind of sad that people today can't turn to their local church for the help that these kinds of books and video series offer. I've known couples who have worked through problems completely apart from their local church. I think books, DVDs and blogs can replace the church, which is not really good in the end.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you...and I think that problem is two-fold. People don't reach out and ask for help and many churches are doing a terrible job offering help whether through mentors or counseling (and I know that there is a lack of people willing to be mentors). I know one problem that my church's counseling department/leadership staff is concerned about is that many people are giving each other unbiblical advice, friend to friend. There are some very unbiblical resources being passed around (I'm hoping to share about one in particular to which my pastors have recently written response papers next week) that are doing some real damage to marriages. I'm very thankful that my church is focused on good teaching, good counseling and good training for us lay people so that we can have a solid biblical culture.
ReplyDeleteYes, you're right about churches not being equipped. The training doesn't even have to start with marriage per se, but teaching sound doctrine so that we can advise in a biblical manner.
ReplyDeleteThe young mothers are currently reading Sacred Influence at my church.
Loved Intimate Issues by Dillow and Pintus, so we checked out their next book ”Intimacy Ignited.” BONUS! Really, really worth it!
ReplyDeletei would also recommend "Intimate Allies" by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman but I have read a bunch of those books and have enjoyed parts of them. I felt like the Sacred Marriage and Sacred Influence were good, but could have gone deeper into issues at times. I did feel like those books touched on a lot of good issues and were direct, but then failed to help take a step deeper, which would bring couples into a deeper intimacy. They are great at starting conversations if you read them with your spouse.
ReplyDeleteOf course time spent together and with the Lord, sharing our hearts and thoughts is a great way to stay connected and continue growing closer. That seems to get easily lost in the busyness of life. We need to make it a priority to reserve energy to talk or be together at the end of the day, when all is done and the kids are tucked in bed, instead of collapsing into a heap on the couch with the TV on. (i'm using that example because that's our default not because TV or movies are bad)
I really want to read that new Tim Keller book about marriage because i've heard it's good. Anyway dive into that, yet?
Nice list! Especially like the Chan video, had not seen that yet.
ReplyDeleteThe Keller book is my all-time favorite marriage book. I highly recommend it!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I read Sheet Music by Dr. Lehman before we got married, and we loved it. I would also add The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, and Captivating by John and Staci Eldredge.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I both read Wild At Heart before we got married and it was almost funny how much it described him!
ReplyDeleteThat one is also on my bookshelf!! I'll eventually get to it!
ReplyDeleteWhat is the main focus of "Intimate Allies"? Although I'm familiar with who Allender and Longman are, I don't know anything about that book.
ReplyDeleteI can see what you're saying about Gary Thomas's books...Like I said though, to me, it read more like a "get your thinking straight" about marriage than a "how to have deeper intimacy" book. I think each marriage book kind of fleshes out a particular area of marriage and if you put a few of them together, you get a good range of helpful information. For instance, I liked Driscoll's marriage book, but it misses a lot of aspects of marriage too. I would never recommend that it be the only marriage book you read...goes best in conjunction with others.
Oh, I haven't read that one...I'll have to check it out. (Maybe once I'm done with the 20-some books on my bookshelf though...)
ReplyDeleteWeekend to Remember is an incredible program. We went a couple of years ago and thought it was tremendous, whether your marriage is decent or in rough shape.
ReplyDeleteOur church is now offering the Weekend to Remember study. I highly recommend it as a resource!
Hello! I’m stopping by from “No Ordinary Blog Hop” Family
ReplyDelete& Marriage Theme Oct. (I’m #60).Thanks
for posting all these marriage resources. They are great for any stage of marriage to revive things or ramp things up:) Will be checking osme of them out from the library!