I have three kids ages 4 and under. Three boys. Boys are physical. That means they touch you. They hang on your legs. And they want to wrestle. And they need physical proximity when I'm giving instructions. However, even though I'm not a very touchy person, this didn't really bother me. Until I had a third child. For some reason, that third kid sent me over the edge to where I really just did not want anyone touching me. Anyone included my husband.
By the end of the day, I had the creepy-crawlies. If someone touched me, I cringed. I winced. I twisted away from them. I wanted to scream.
No, that is not very conducive to a healthy sex life. I think I justified my feelings for a long time, which is yet another reason why getting back into the groove of that aspect of marriage was tough.
But you know what? It's understandable but how can we get beyond those feelings? How can we refocus our thoughts to want to be touched by the person who wants to touch us the most. The person who has an intimate physical relationship with us. The person who loves our body even when we don't. May I remind you...
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses...But Jesus isn't a woman...he's not a mom. How could he possibly understand? Let me give you a few examples of why he understands.
And behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment...
And when the men of that place recognized him, they sent around to all that region and brought to him all who were sick and implored him that they might only touch the fringe of his garment.
And he told his disciples to have a boat ready for him because of the crowd, lest they crush him, for he had healed many, so that all who had diseases pressed around him to touch him.
And all the crowd sought to touch him, for power came out from him and healed them all.Sounds like a lot of people touched him. Jesus gets it. I know that sometimes we just need to pull back and have one moment where no one is touching us. Jesus withdrew away from the crowds as well, but he didn't withdraw his affection for them. He didn't withdraw out of disgust. He withdrew to refocus on his Father and his purpose on earth. He withdrew and he prayed.
I know we are called to emulate Jesus in our daily lives, and yet somehow, this aspect of his human experience escaped me until recently.
When we moms are having those If-One-More-Person-Touches-Me-So-Help-Me-I-Will-Start-Screaming-Like-A-Banshee Moments and in walks our husband with that gleam in his eye and a hand that starts roaming while you're stirring the pasta sauce, we can sometimes make a choice to let go of our heebie-jeebies simply because Jesus did. I betcha that if we paused and prayed for an appreciation of our husband's touch, that prayer could be answered. And sometimes, quite frankly, it just takes disciplining ourselves to not think about how we want to cringe, but to just turn around and respond. Sometimes we can act our way into feeling the right way.
Look, I've had three babies. I've had three c-sections...which means three major surgeries...pain...bleeding. You can't cough, laugh, sneeze or blow your nose because you have no functioning abdominal muscles. Your breasts hurt like the dickens if you're nursing. (Don't even get me started on breastfeeding pain...I was in pain for 8 months with my third kid and no one really knows why. Obnoxiously long story.) I know there are legitimate times when you just genuinely need to not be touched. And that's totally fine. But I think that sometimes we get into a habit (I know I did) of just always allowing those heebie-jeebies to prevail, and I rejected my husband's affection when I could have prayed, asked for supernatural help, turned around and responded. Because my husband needed a response from me. Just a small way to be unselfish, right?
Ok, so, anyone else been there?
What helped you get past it? Share your experience and wisdom in the comments!
**Don't forget to go enter the giveaway! You've got four more days!