Let's not overthink sex too much.
One Warrior Wife commented with a question about a particular difficulty and mentioned that she knew what she and her husband were struggling with was "weird". All I really wanted to say to her was, No, no, no, honey! Your experience is not weird! Your experience is yours!
Sometimes, in the interest of being honest and helpful, we discuss every detail of sex to death. We compare ourselves to the experience of others and if we aren't like a lot of people, we think there's something wrong. Now I realize that there really are some things wrong with the sexual aspect of some marriages, but just because something is different does not mean it's wrong.
God is sovereign over every aspect of our lives and that includes sex. He purposed every single situation in our lives to teach us something, to build Christ-like character in us, and to draw us to dependence on Him. I've got to believe that God had something in mind when He gave me the husband He did, and authored the uniqueness of our intimacy. The uniqueness of every different sexual relationship shows His creativity.
Take it for what it is. Get help for the genuine issues. Don't forget that you're allowed to pray about it. Glean just enough practical information to be helpful. Keep making sex important and fun and pleasurable. But also just relax and enjoy what you have been given. And don't overanalyze it. Does that makes sense?
There is danger in analysis. You can't learn the meaning of a rose by pulling it to pieces. You can't examine a burning coal by carrying it away from the fire. It dies in the process. There is something deadly about the relentless scientific probe into the mechanics of sexual activity...[Sex] will not always be clearcut and simple. In this matter, as in all others where your life is bound closely to your husband's, you will sometimes be aware that you need help. Remember first that love itself - the "educated heart" - has a way of teaching you what to do. Worry is worse than useless, it's destructive. Paul wrote, "Don't worry over anything whatever, tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus." It's God who thought up sex. "Every detail of your needs" includes sexual ones. You can talk to Him about them. You can't shock or embarrass Him. "If any of you does not know how to meet any particular problem he has only to ask God, who gives generously to all men without making them feel foolish or guilty." (Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman, p.157, 161)So, for now, all I have left on the subject of sex is a list of links for you to read this weekend, all about sex. You'll see them tomorrow.
Sharing with: Beholding Glory, Your Thriving Family, Finding Beauty, Consider the Lilies, NOBH, Christian Mommy Blogger
I think another important reminder is that while sex is important, and the physical pleasure of it is wonderful, we can turn it into an idol of sorts, and falsely believe that if things are fine in the bedroom, they're fine everywhere else. Sex isn't marriage, as important as it is. We have a friend who fell from a building and is now a partial quadripalegic. He was not even 40 at the time. That has changed things. While sex is important, if we are too consumed with it, we really begin to just be like the world. Developing the relationship with our spouse is just -- if not more -- important.
ReplyDeleteYes, that makes sense. It's easy (for me, at least) to overthink things. Sometimes we just need to relax and enjoy!
ReplyDeleteYes! There was another quote from Elisabeth Elliot's book along those lines..."Sex is not the most important thing that makes a marriage work. But it is important."
ReplyDeleteRelax and enjoy works for us, too! Thank you for this so thoughtful post! And for sharing it on NOBH!
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