Real Redeemed Marriages: God's Will 2010

Warrior Wives!!

I am so excited about this guest post.  A few weeks ago, I happened upon her post entitled "A Miraculous Marriage."  Intrigued, I clicked on it and read these words: "It was 6 years ago, that our marriage was “done”. Almost legally. (within a weeks time it would have been.) Yet God showed what could be done, by Him alone! A miracle. A marriage dashed against the rocks, hearts broken, family split apart ~ all made new. Truly a miracle."  I had to know more so I e-mailed her and asked if she would be willing to share her story with all you warrior wives.  I am hoping that her story offers you hope that no matter how difficult your marriage is, no matter how difficult it may become, there is always hope.  This is a redeemed marriage.

God's Will 2010

When Elizabeth asked me if I would do a guest blog post over at Warrior Wives. I was excited and surprised, this was my first "requested" guest blog post.

The name of her blog struck me immediately. Warrior Wives. I do not see myself as a warrior, yet I am honored to share my story with her and her readers.

My story goes back to my childhood ~ I was raised by an amazing set of parents ~ a wonderful help meet for a mom, and a loving Godly father.

As I grew into a young woman, I was very independent and strong willed. I wanted to do things my way, thought I knew it all, ready to take on the world. Through some bad decisions on my part, I ended up in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. God was faithful and kept me safe; my blessing in the storm came as a handsome son. He and I were able to return home to my parents, leaving behind the abusive relationship. I went through a time period when I hated men, and wanted nothing to do with them. I failed to realize that my choices had led me there. That not seeking the Lord before entering that relationship brought me there.

When my son was seven months old, my family relocated (due to my dad's Navy career) to Maine. Being a Texas girl this was a great change. It was here, in this very cold state, that God would begin to melt and mold me into His image.

It was a late November evening when a man knocked on my car window as I was heading home from work. His saving grace from a 911 call was his 7 year old son being with him.

This man would become my husband, almost 2 years later.

Break ups would happen during these 2 years; a relationship begun Christ-centered would fall to flesh.
In April 2005, we welcomed a beautiful baby girl. 

Faced with the given options of moving in unmarried (which I was not open to at all), or moving with my parents, I left the decision to him. Either we get married (I was "done" making mistakes, I thought) or I would be moving out of state.

July 22, 2005 ~ my hubby and I were married. A "quick" weekend away and then we were thrown into "family mode".

My hubby a "certified" bachelor, 17 years my senior, split time dad ~ was now a full time hubby and daddy, with a wife and 3 kiddos.

"Shock" is the word I would use for our first year of marriage.

He had no idea what to do.  I had no idea why he didn't know what to do. I had been raised to be a mom, wife and help meet. He grew up in a split family, not knowing how a together-family functioned. 

I worked a full time job, he is self employed. The kiddos attended daycare full-time, at home we lived separated lives. He did his thing with his son. I work, take care of the home and kids and live "our life". I barely ate, barely slept and was under 100 lbs., blacking in and out while laying on my employer's bathroom floor daily.

By May of 2006, I was sick, depressed, alone and unwanted. After a big disagreement one night, I was sure that he would have stayed home to work things out. Yet, he had not. I packed my car, kiddos and headed south ~ to my parents. He had no idea. I was long gone, when he called....the answer to "Where are you?" was "Delaware".

I spent a year away. He came and saw our daughter a couple times. He filed separation papers, I countered with divorce papers.  Cold as ice, and hurt beyond comprehension, that's where I was. 

While I was away he was seeing his pastor, almost daily, in counseling, etc. They tried cards, flowers, fresh shrimp (from his boat that was over-nighted) for my birthday, etc. I wanted nothing to do with it. I had been burned again.

I lived the way I wanted for that year. Bad choices abounded, rebelliousness flowing, I wanted to be loved so badly, it didn't matter that I knew better. I didn't think God would ever do anything in our marriage. It was over in my mind, so I moved on.

One phone call he made from a top of a mountain ~ calling with something that struck him about Abraham and Sarah. I honestly don't remember what he said, but God moved in me. I melted a little bit that day. 

Through counseling both separated and together, God brought us back together. We even forgot about our court date; a week before our divorce went final, the kids and I had moved home.

The next 3 years had many ups and downs. Our life seemed like a roller coaster. There were nights I took the kids away. My stubbornness, combined with the anger and stinging words that I learned from my abusive relationship were deadly for a marriage.

My mother and father never ceased in praying for me. Many tears and lost hours of sleep are due them, because of me. It was through my mother's best friend, that God began a huge work in me.

She sent me the book Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. It truly touched my life, it was everything I needed. I was reminded of everything I had been taught as a little girl and more!

One of the most important new things I learned was that as long as what my husband wanted/needed my help with was not against God's Word, then I was called to do it. My husband is the head of our household, and if it is not what God would have us to do, then the responsibility lies on his shoulders. I am only responsible to obey the Lord, my husband and to do so by being his help meet. That realization freed me.

My mother's best friend spent the next 1-2 years emailing, writing and calling me. Encouraging, teaching and praying for me every step of the way.

I thought we finally had it all together, our faults, failing, etc. all realized and worked through. 

New Year's Day.....2010.....we were hit with another devastating blow. This time I was on the receiving end of pain. I was crushed, empty, yet stronger than before. I tried to deal with it alone for 2 months, but was unable to deal with the depression, kids and full-time work alone. I reached out, my mom came up and helped me with the kiddos. We stayed at a hotel for 2 weeks. My mom then took the kiddos home with her, I watched my "babies" leave. It would be 3 weeks before I saw them again.

I had caused the devastating pain to our marriage 3 years previously, now I was dealt the pain. Agony, defeat, brokenness, these were my name.

I spent those 3 weeks with a friend's parents. I had the house to myself mostly. Other than work, I spent my time in prayer, reading God's word and books on issues we were dealing with. I sought the Lord as I never had before, knowing that this up and down roller coaster of life had to end. The kids were no longer babies, they were too old, watching now and learning. Something had to change....for good.

Once again we were going through counseling. This time with the same counselor, but separate sessions. There were guidelines put in place, boundaries set and all were upheld for the proper amount of time. 

I came to realize through this time, that it didn't matter who I was with, there would be difficulty. I was not perfect, no one else was either. Did I really want to be a single mom forever? Did I really want to start over with a new husband?

I realized too, that I had been forgiven and my marriage restored. I had been accepted and loved, yet was unlovely. My imperfect husband had chosen to love his imperfect wife when he didn't have to. Could I not do the same?

Our pastor told my hubby that I was like a rose at this time. If you tried to pry me open, my petals would fall off and I would break. Yet with the right sunlight and water, I would blossom and flourish. This proved to be true. I believe it is true for our marriage as well, and for every other marriage that is struggling too. 

In May 2010, God answered my 2 year prayer. I was told by my husband to quit my job, become a stay at home mom, and home-school our 2 kiddos.

We are now 2 years later, less than a month away from our 7 year anniversary. Through all of the difficulty and joys, I now can say I am married to my best friend.

We still struggle, yet I know that with prayer, the Son and Living Water, we will continue on this journey together.

There is no perfection here, only mercy, grace and forgiveness new every day.

Loving Life, Simply Helping Him

Misty lives in Maine with her hubby and 3 kiddos, a increasingly crunchy family one step at a time. She blogs to encourage and share God's workings in her life! You can find her blogging over at Simply Helping Him.

Has your marriage been redeemed from a disaster?  I'd love to hear your story. Feel free to share in the comments or e-mail me at thewarriorwives@gmail.com if you'd be willing to share it publicly.  

Sharing with: Raising Mighty Arrows, Thoughtful Thursday, Thought-Provoking Thursday, Resdiscovering Domesticity, Hearts for Home Thursday, Beholding Glory, Your Thriving Family, Finding Beauty, NOBH, Deep Roots at Home, Consider the Lilies