Slandering Wives - Part 1

About a year ago, I started reading a book by Martha Peace (of The Excellent Wife fame) entitled Damsels in Distress.  I have to admit that I got sidetracked by other books and have yet to finish it, but the one chapter I did finish was the gossip chapter.  It was, um...slightly convicting.   I gossip.  I do.   It's something I've been convicted about multiple times.  I think most of us women could pinpoint various conversations that have crossed the line into blatant gossip and we have twinges of guilt about it.  Those conversations generally revolve around other women...their children...their husbands...their marriages...their financial situations.  Gossip is often woven closely together with slander.


But here's a question for you: do you slander your husband?


Yes.  It is possible to slander even those closest to us.  Even our husbands.


Martha Peace presents the Greek word for gossip: diabolos, meaning, "to accuse or to give false information (p.30)."  Related to gossip is slander, which means, "evil speaking or vilification (to malign or disparage)".  You might be surprised at how many times gossip and slander are referred to as sins which we, as believers, are commanded to cease doing.  

But now you must put them all away; anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

- Colossians 3:8

The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool.

- Proverbs 10:18

Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy...

- Psalm 101:5

So what exactly would slandering our husbands look like?

- Revealing his weaknesses and flaws 

- Complaining about his bad behavior 

- Accusing him of sinful motives

- Criticizing him for not living up to your standards

- Describing his beliefs in an unkind or demeaning way 

Let me give you an example of how I recently thoughtlessly slandered my husband.  Dave and I just finished taking an Introduction to Biblical Counseling class at our church.  The teacher required a small amount of homework each week, part of which was memorizing a Scripture verse related to counseling.  As a rule-follower, I did the homework (well, at least up until that point...I'll admit that I slacked off towards the end).  Dave, however, did not.  At the beginning of the class, we were instructed to gather together with others at our table and share the memory verse and discuss the homework.  My mother in law was a part of this group on this particular day and you'd think, as a result, I'd be on my best wifely behavior, right?  Nope.  I was feeling irritated that Dave hadn't lived up to my standards of completing the homework, and so I made sure that I let everyone know that he hadn't completed the homework.  Later, my mother in law quietly corrected me knowing that she had once spoken to others about her own husband.  I'll admit that I bristled a bit...it's not the easiest thing to accept correction from your husband's MOM, but it doesn't change the fact that she was right.  And what I did was slander.  I criticized him in public.  I damaged his reputation.  I made him look bad.   

I think that we wives can afford to be a lot more careful about the ways in which we speak about our husbands.  Do they sin?  Yes.  Do all of our friends need to know about how?  No.  Every word that you speak about your husband creates a image for others.  They will either hear your words and think highly of him or they will hear your words and think he's a moron.  

Does this mean that we always stay silent about their sin and only talk about their good points?  Absolutely not.  There are godly ways to go about obtaining guidance for how to deal with our husband's sin and I'll tackle that in another post.  All I'm saying is that we consider our words and use them carefully.  They will either build up our husband or tear him down and the wisest of women builds her house.  


Read more: Slandering Wives - Part 2, Slander Destroys Trust, Is Listening to Slander a Sin?

Sharing with:  The Alabaster Jar, The Better Mom, Time Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, To Love Honor and Vacuum, Deep Roots at Home, Women Living Well, We Are THAT Family, Raising Mighty Arrows,  NOBH, Your Thriving Family, Thoughtful Thursday, Thought Provoking Thursday