Thursday, May 3, 2012

Why This Blog?

Divorce...the end of a marriage.  Although clearly quite common, this is something I would expect to see later in life and only in rare cases.  However, my husband Dave and I have been married for only 8 years; somewhere around the 5 year mark, we started to see some of our peers’ marriages imploding and crumbling.  Accusations of infidelity, irresponsibility, substance abuse, angry husbands, controlling wives, selfish spouses refusing to lay down their rights for the other, the stress of children, health concerns, a lack of connection and communication, bitterness, passivity, disrespect; all these problems were shredding the love and goodwill that had existed between them.   

What is going on? 
Are WE going to make it? 
How do we keep our marriage safe and thriving? 
Is there anything I can do to provide support to a friend in a difficult marriage? 
What kind of advice should I give? 
SHOULD I give advice? 
Shouldn’t someone more experienced – and older – be doing that?

I’ve struggled with all of these questions as I see marriages – young marriages – dying off. 

I've come to realize that there is a battle going on.  It's not just a physical battle with a clearly defined and visible enemy.  Instead...we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

If we're going to win, if we're going to be that couple that is still married 50 some years from now, we're going to have to fight.  We're going to have to take up the whole armor of God, that [we] may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. (Ephesians 6:12-13 ESV)

And I get it.  It's hard.  Marriage, while great sometimes or for some people, is hard a heck of a lot of the time. 

I'm young.  I'm 32 years old.  I've only been married 8 1/2 years.  I am deep in the trenches here.  I am learning new lessons about marriage and about my husband daily.  But I have a passion for young marriages.  I think it is so, so important to get grounded get a good get good habits and godly thinking patterns engrained in our heads and hearts.  I want to come alongside you and encourage you to know that with God's help, you can do it

You can fight.
You can be a warrior wife.


  1.  I love your blog, and your reason for your blog.  I have a blog, it's

  2. and I forgot to tell you I found you on "To love, honor and Vacuum"

  3. Thanks, Valerie! I'm glad to hear there are other "kindred spirits" out there! I love your blog title...sounds so secret-agenty. :)

  4. looking forward to reading more.  My husband and I started a blog just a few months ago too after seeing some of our friends marriages end.  We are adding to the voice as well.  I like to say that we write the blog as much to remind ourselves about how God wants us to live as much as for anyone else.  Looking forward to reading more.


  5. There needs to be lots and lots of voices like ours! When I started writing this blog, I noticed that while there are a bajillion Christian homemaking/homeschooling/motherhood/parenting blogs, there are not nearly as many solid Christian marriage blogs. Love that you're writing with your husband!

  6. The Water BearerJune 5, 2012 at 11:09 PM

    Fabulous post, so simple and emotive. So comforting to have confirmation that I am not alone, as I too am compelled to help those who are loosing certain battles against the enemy. Yet I am also young and feel inadequate to advise others both younger and older than me.

    I have to remember that God knows all and uses many, and that He helps those of us who are willing to share His wisdom with others. I figure if He can use a donkey, then He can use us too. I am seeing the fruits of this when I get a comment from someone who gained something from my blogging. May you feel the same usefulness from being an instrument of God! And may our journey always bring glory to God's name! I am so humbled that He chose to use little 'young' me to help another! I hope many are inspired to fight against the enemy until they overcome him! AMEN!

  7. The Water BearerJune 5, 2012 at 11:18 PM

    Valerie, Let me just say I hope you are in full flight publishing your blogs and continue to do so! I sat on my drafts for months and months!! I am so grateful that I was given the courage to just do it! Thank God for all the encouragement that is out there, and we must continue to give courage to those in this fight with us! God Bless you and your ministry!

  8. I do sometimes feel inadequate as a young person, but then I remember that Timothy was young too! And Paul wrote to him to "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." (1 Tim 4:12)

  9. Very true...we can follow Christ's example even in our marriages. If more of us followed His example, our marriages would be transformed!

  10. So very true sister!! It's worth fighting for! And upon God's principals it can be done. It's when we take advice of another angry wife, or well schooled professional that we get tangled in the ugly mess of thinking that it is all about our own rights and our own comfort. Jesus was not concerned about His rights or His comfort, it was all about God's perfect plan, and we know from the Word of God that His perfect plan for marriage is to be united. "The two shall become one." 

  11. Elizabeth...this is wonderful!  May the Lord grant you wisdom, encouragement and direction as you pursue this....I am praying for you!

  12. Nice!  Great, much-needed topic today.  God bless!

  13. Love this friend.  The whole focus...
    And we've been through the trenches lately with friends'marriages...
    (and even our own)
    But God is prevailing and with Him there is SO. MUCH. HOPE.
    We've seen healing and redemption in relationships close-to-us beyond anything I thought possible.
    Always appreciate your heart...for Him.
    K @ The Chuppies