Well, both, obviously, right? Although cancer is clearly more serious, it would ludicrous to decide not to treat your own broken leg. A broken leg left unmended will not heal properly and may even get so malformed as to prevent you from walking. There may be an infection spreading throughout your body if the injury that broke the bone also broke the skin.
So if we wouldn't ignore a broken leg and instead choose to focus on our husband's cancer treatment, why do we wives ignore our own "Broken Leg" marital issues and choose to focus on our husband's "Cancer" issues?
Some of us are in marriages where we rank our husband's sin as worse than ours. I don't know that we always consciously do this, since we know that no one does good, not even one. But I know that we sometimes allow a mindset that says, "Well, maybe I'm controlling, but he's angry. The anger is overshadowing every other issue that exists in our marriage." And when we think that, we let ourselves off the hook. We put our focus on another person's sin and we forget ours. We forget that, as Elisabeth Elliot says, "you did, in fact, marry only a sinner, and so did he."
God doesn't look at it the same way.
God calls us to lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith.
- Hebrews 12:1-2
Our focus should never be on a person - our husband - it should be on Christ alone...on the cross...on what He did FOR US! On what He is continuing to do for us.
And furthermore, God has called each one of us to individual holiness.
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy." And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one's deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile, knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ.
-1 Peter 1:13-19
We do not live for ourselves. We live for Christ and we live to please Him.
For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.
-2 Cor 5:15
The bottom line is that we are never off the hook for dealing with our own sin. It doesn't matter if our husband's sin is more destructive to the marriage. There is no guarantee that your husband will ever change. But when we are told that his divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, we know that through the power of Christ, we are guaranteed the ability to live in a way that glorifies Him.
So, yes. Your marriage might be really unhealthy. Maybe your husband has given it cancer. I am not saying that your husband does not need to be healed. I am not saying that you should ignore his sin. I am not saying that there does not need to be accountability for him or that he shouldn't be confronted about his sin.
But I am saying that YOU still have a broken leg. And we serve a God who is the ultimate Healer. Go to Him and get that broken bone set.
Sharing with: The Alabaster Jar, The Better Mom, Time Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, Women Living Well, To Love Honor and Vacuum, Deep Roots at Home